Valentine’s Day — the ultimate survival guide


Illustration: Michael Schofield (Click to enlarge)

It only comes once a year, but it is a date that sends dread into the heart of lonely singletons everywhere. February 14th.

Valentine’s Day bombards us as soon as the new year starts, and until that fateful day arrives and passes we are pressured into finding a valentine. There are ways to get through the day alone, without wallowing in self pity and crying at romantic comedies.

Fellow singles, I come armed with ways to survive the evil holiday and keep your sanity intact.

  • Throw an anti-Valentine’s party

    Invite your single friends round and get everyone to dress glam, this way everyone will feel gorgeous. Make big batches of cocktails and keep them coming; research different recipes and have fun experimenting. As for food, go for yummy indulgent treats such as cupcakes and chocolate. Set up a dartboard with pictures of the heartbreakers in your life and let your aggression out. Most importantly, make a compilation of empowering songs and sing your heart out. I suggest Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” and disco tunes from the likes of Chaka Kahn and The Nolans.

  • Close off all contact with the outside world

    To avoid the horrid day completely, lock yourself in your room and arm yourself with horror films and tasty treats. I think for this one day in particular, nobody is going to judge you for eating an entire tub of Ben and Jerry’s. Steer clear of Facebook, you will be unable to avoid any declarations of love and smug couple pictures. No matter what, don’t text or email that person you have had a crush on since the dawn of time.

  • Make a pledge

    New Year’s Day is for resolutions, Valentine’s Day is for making important love decisions. If February 14th is particularly stinging this year because of an unrequited love now is a good time to tell yourself to get over them. It’s tough, but do you really want to waste your time on someone that doesn’t feel the same? There’s always hope, but there is always someone else. If you don’t know how they feel, why don’t you tell them? Either way, now is the time to move on.

  • Go shopping

    Love yourself, if nobody else will. Nothing quite beats the rush of shopping and treating yourself to something new. Be naughty and splurge, find something you’ll love more than any human. It could be an amazing new outfit, beautiful shoes, that CD/DVD/game you’ve been after, or even just a good meal or coffee. Just go for it and enjoy, but do save some money for rent and food or you may end up having to pawn your new treat instead.

  • Make your best friend your valentine

    You’re both single, you’re both miserable. Why not be each others valentines? Send a card, go for a meal, and buy presents. All the fun and none of the heartbreak.

One Response to Valentine’s Day — the ultimate survival guide

  1. Lindsay Brown says:

    Surely just not acknowledging it would be the smartest way to go about it, in the first place?

    By not thinking about it, it would relieve you of the ‘self pity’ and couch-bound misery? Humility, much?